How Codependency and Narcissism Built the American Workplace

There's a lot of truth in the statement: "HR exists to protect the company, not employees." It reflects the cultural perception of HR as the gatekeepers for American status quo founders and their toxic organizational cultures, and the collateral damage these structures create.

Narcissism cannot thrive without codependency in all its forms. It gives narcissism an infrastructure; without it, narcissism would completely collapse. You can also understand codependency (interpersonally, familially, culturally, societally, systemically, etc.) as a trauma response to narcissism.

Psychologically, narcissism and codependency are two sides of the same coin, both rooted in a lost or underdeveloped sense of self. The difference: people with narcissistic personality patterns and traits never develop a sense of self, whereas codependent individuals' sense of self is severely underdeveloped or repressed.

Codependent patterns often emerge early in life as maladaptive mechanisms to survive psychological, emotional, and somatic trauma. This trauma can result from emotionally unavailable, immature, neglectful, perfectionistic, critical, abusive, authoritarian, or narcissistic parenting. These patterns are further deeply reinforced when the same traits appear in communal spaces; schools, neighborhoods, churches, or through dehumanizing societal norms and expectations.

As a result, codependent individuals' sense of survival is psychologically, emotionally, epigenetically, and somatically enmeshed and bound to the survival of people with narcissistic personality patterns and traits. Their early traumatic conditioning makes them unknowingly lifelong justifiers, minimizers, excusers, enablers, and upholders of narcissistic leadership, cultures, and systems, all at the great expense of themselves and everyone else. They are equally tragic victims and pivotal enablers.

American status quo leaders strategically employ people with codependent personality patterns and traits in support roles (HR, Chief of Staff, Chief of People, administrative assistant, executive assistants, etc.) Codependents carry and are burdened mentally, emotionally, and somatically with the shame of American status quo organizations (illegal, unethical, and dehumanizing actions, etc..

Here's the caveat: unlike narcissistic personality patterns and traits, deeply entrenched codependent patterns and traits can be healed and changed, with the willingness and diligence to do the work and the right therapeutic framework.

For a deeper dive, I recommend the work of Darlene Lancer, LMFT. Her book Codependency for Dummies is, in my view, the Bible of codependency, comprehensive, practical, and brilliantly written.

If HR in your company disappeared tomorrow, would employees actually be safer, healthier, and freer? That answer reveals everything about the culture you're in.